Self-Harm, A Suicide Attempt & Recovery: Local Teen Shares Story On Overcoming Bullying

This article is part of a four-part series published on LevittownNow.com.

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LevittownNow.com’s special series on bully has been supported in part by funding from In The Know Club members. 

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“Two years of torture.”

That’s how Nick Chewning describes the final two years of his high school career. A new relationship turned toxic, led to bullying, and brought on feelings and thoughts he hadn’t known before.

Chewning was among the 20 percent of high school-aged adolescents that government statistics show face bullying. A growing number are facing the threats from cyber bullying.  

Bullies in high school, according to Chewning, turned some of his most formative years into some of the worst.

The 18 year old said he was sharing his story with LevittownNow.com to give hope to those who are bullied and also break the stigma attached.

“I felt like I couldn’t go to school,” he recalled.

Even the good days were bad and led to feelings of self-doubt and weak confidence.

Chewning said it was not uncommon for him to have a family member pick him up early from school so he could avoid bullying.

“I just wouldn’t want to move. I just wanted everything to stop,” he said. “I just felt like they didn’t care if I took my life.”

Self-harm and thoughts of suicide began to creep into Chewning’s life.

He took a pen apart in class and began to cut himself. It happened and no one notice. It continued.

“[The bullies] had the audacity to call me out, put their hands on me, and put me through torture,” he said.

“I woke up and thought ‘what could I have done? What did I do wrong?’”

On one hand, it is easy for people to defend themselves physically when attacked during bullying, but it’s much harder when that bullying is verbal, Chewning said.

“They tear apart your mind and who you are … What are you supposed to do then?”

After he graduated from Bucks County Technical High School, the feelings continued but Chewning saw some hope as he prepared to start at Kutztown University last fall.

Christina Atkinson, Chewning’s mother, said she thought starting in a new environment could provide a positive change.

While her husband believed things were on the rebound for the college freshman during the first weeks of classes, his mom had concerns and kept a close watch from afar over him.

One night in the fall semester, Atkinson went to bed with a bad feeling. She couldn’t place it and some concern grew when Chewning didn’t answer his phone.

“I couldn’t sleep that night and I was very, very restless,” she said. “I thought something wasn’t right.”

Around 1 a.m., her phone rang and her husband awoke to answer it.

“It was an EMT. They told my husband they had my son and were taking him to the hospital,” she recalled.

“My husband kept saying there was something wrong with Nicolas,” she said.

The couple got up from the bed in their Levittown home and were in a state of shock. They scrambled to get changed and headed on their way to the hospital in Berks County.

Chewning had taken a handful of pills, causing an overdose.

One of Chewning’s friends alerted his parents that the 18 year old had slurred speech earlier so they invited him over to their dorm. A short time later, medics were rushing him for treatment after his friends noticed he was deteriorating.

Almost a year since the suicide attempt that rocked Chewning’s life, he is doing better after receiving mental health treatment. Now living with family in Bristol Borough, Chewning said he has a new outlook. It’s more positive and healthy.

“I am able to be me,” he said. “I was able to find the person who I used to be.”

“What other people say does not define who you are. You define who you are.”

Chewning hits the gym to get in shape, he focuses more on himself, is taking classes with hopes of starting a career in law enforcement, and works to manage negative thoughts and feelings.

“You need to find your true purpose,” he said. “You need to make yourself the true priority. You need to love yourself.”

Chewning still sees a therapist and bears the physical scars of his prior self-harm. However, tattoos that match his personality hide the scars. A semicolon design sits on top of one scar.

“A semicolon is used when an author could’ve chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life,” explained the late Amy Bleuel, founder of suicide prevention organization Project Semicolon.

Chewning and his mother said the stigma surrounding suicide needs to end.

“The stigma has got to stop. It’s got to stop. Too many people are afraid of what other people are going to think or feel about them,” Atkinson said.

“People say ‘you just got to get over it,’” she said. “It ain’t that easy.”

For parents, Atkinson had an important message: “Never, never give up. No matter how many times he told me to leave him alone .. I never ever walked away from him. I never left his side. Every moment I was there.”

Keeping an eye out for changes with Chewning played a role for Atkinson. She noticed her son stopped eating, was sitting alone in his room, having a concerning conversation on the phone, and wearing sweatshirts in summer. 

One of the most difficult times as a mother, Atkinson recalled, was Chewning not realizing she cared and that she was perfect to him.

“But he couldn’t allow that to matter,” she said.

While area school districts do work to tackle bullying, Atkinson and Chewning said more can be done and they encouraged schools to get more involved.

Chewning has his sights on a career in law enforcement to help the victims and make sure justice is served.

“I want to be there for somebody when nobody was there for me,” he said. “That’s important.”

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